The Passion of Christ

The power of Christ condemns me to write this review…
So – Mel Gibson returns to the lens, to bring us this account of the last hours of Christ – and you may remember the naysayers guffawing into their popcorn when it was announced that he would shoot the thing in a lost language.

Before I go ahead, I should make it clear that I was a fan of this film before I saw it. I think film should provoke emotion in people and film is an ‘opinion’, not a bible (no pun intended.) The mistake that many people are making in reviewing this film is by judging it as a religious statement – quite frankly – who gives a f**k… its only a movie people… so let’s look at it like one.

With that in mind and the fact that I was ready to love this film - here’s my review – Mel Gibson has created an entirely new genre of movie – ®The Epic Trailer.

The Passion of the Christ is an hour and a half long trailer – snippets of a great film that we may one day see, but for now, we are going to be subjected to a beautiful, flowing, slow motion, string scored edit of images… not a film.

It starts off well, the opening scenes are thought provoking and set up the glorious imagery of the film. The alien language is perfect for telling the tale, and anyone not able to bring themselves to read subtitles shouldn’t be in a cinema anyway. Subtitles are a way of bringing film to a larger audience remember…

BUT… then, the film turns into what can only be described as a poetic Michael Bay movie. Jesus falls in slow motion onto the gravel…. Then again five minutes later…. Oh, there he goes again (all in slow motion). Now, look, there is something different – Mary is now falling to her knees, a poignant tear caressing her cheek… (sorry, did I mention this was in slow motion?)…. And now she’s… erm… falling to her knees again, in slow motion.

In fact, Mary repeats this action in slow motion for what seems like twenty times during the movie. There is so much slow motion in this film (I would guess at 70%), that, if played in real time, would probably last about half an hour, I kid you not.
It is a poor excuse for filling time. Sure, the cinematography is stunning. This is a glorious piece of filmmaking, but its not a great movie and certainly not a good piece of storytelling.

These are the goods, the imagery, the acting is great by the leads (Cavaziel embues what he has to do with honour and a stately grace). Monica Belluci has nothing to do in this film, other than look worried (in slow motion). The devils that are touched on are both frightening and compelling – kudos for these moments.

So, is the torture and crucifixion of Christ the most disturbing and gory visions seen in cinema yet? Probably not, it could have been, and the initial ten minutes of flaying is something that will live with you for an eternity, but once again Gibson gets the trowel out and really hammers it home.

After twenty minutes you become numb, after thirty it almost becomes boring – to the point where, when Jesus finally karked it (I am not giving anything away surely?) – one person in the audience exclaimed “it’s about f*****g time!”. (And I refuse to admit it was me).

Not to mention that at some point you begin to question that, if this were a true account, any man would be unconscious after ten minutes of what is shown, probably dead.

And what of the anti Semitism? Not a point of contention here, we all know that Mel likes his baddies to be simply drawn. No chance of character development, all the baddies look the same, sound the same… you can almost hear the audience hiss whenever they are on screen.

Is this anymore than the English portrayed in The Patriot? In Braveheart? The Irish in The Devils Own? The Arabs in True Lies? Probably not – so why should any race be dismissed from being portrayed as the wrong doers in a film?
I can hear the cries of “but this is the bible”… No, you are wrong – THIS IS A MOVIE!!!

Many people are championing this film – but I believe it is for the ‘achievement’, not what is shown on screen and I think that in the future, on repeat viewing, they might see this too?

It’s a great achievement that Mel has made in making this film, and for some part he succeeds. It creates debate, which is a good thing. He creates beautiful images, which is a good thing. But there is such a thing as ‘overdoing it’ Mel. I could almost hear you rubbing your thighs excitedly in the edit suit….

Just call me T.J. Mackey

- Nurse Ratched is angry, but not about the film...
- Fletch praises it.
- Holy says Tyler