Eurotrash sex/horror auteur Jesus Franco's Female Vampire delivers nudity, drinking of human body fluids, plentiful zoom shots, languorous music, a vestigial storyline and the odd moment of surrealism (a flapping bat car ornament). It opens with a soulful-eyed brunette (Lina Romay) striding through misty woods wearing only thigh-boots, a leather belt and a black cloak, then chancing across a breeder of tropical birds upon whom she performs an act of oral sex that winds up painfully and fatally for the poor chump.

One of Franco's better films, this still has an extremely leisurely pace which means that the story drifts dreamlike (or tediously, depending on your point of view) between protracted but unappealing sexual encounters as a smitten fellow with the requisite 70s porno moustache (Jack Taylor), a vampire-hating doctor (director Franco) and a blind coroner pursue the gloomy Countess for their own reasons. The vampire is mute but has an Anne Rice-style whining voice-over, and the dubbing means that everyone else seems equally dissociated from the words that fail to approximate their lip movements. Fans of Lina's frustrated naked writhings get to see her do the thing on top of several men and women, a bed, a tree and in a bath of blood. To Franco-philes, it's a masterpiece; to everyone else, wearisome tat.

On the DVD: Female Vampire on disc comes with a nice widescreen transfer of a print that goes on longer than any previous UK release (though it runs 94 mins, not the 101 listed on the cover); an alternate opening sequence (with the title The Bare Breasted Countess); a fairly complete list of Franco credits; a French trailer (for La Comtesse aux Seins Nus); and four brief alternate scenes from a version of the film with less explicit sex but more blood (i.e., necks are bitten but not private parts). --Kim Newman

By the numbers, albeit odd numbers, thriller from the director of Mission Impossible and The Untouchables. Banderas is a photographer 'snapped' up into a web of deceit by a femme fatale (says the name, you wins the prize) and the fallout is not what he would have wished for...

Like a soda pop left open all night, Ferris Bueller's Day Off seems to have lost its effervescence over time. Sure, Matthew Broderick is still appealing as the perennial truant, Ferris, who takes one memorable day off from school. Jeffrey Jones is nasty and scheming as the principal who's out to catch him. Jennifer Grey is winning as Ferris' sister (who ends up making out in the police station with a prophetic vision of Charlie Sheen). But there's a definite sense that this film was of a particular time frame: the 80s. It's still fun, though. There's Ferris singing "Twist and Shout" during a Chicago parade, and a lovely sequence in the Art Institute. But don't get it and expect your kids to love it the way you did. Like it or not, it's yours alone. --Keith Simanton, Amazon.com